Growing up, I knew I always wanted to teach kids. It started when I helped my mom teach preschool and, by the time I was in high school, I jumped into teaching swim lessons. Within a few years, this morphed into coaching swimming.
Life Lesson 1
There is something glorious about working with kids. It’s an experience that cannot be achieved any other way. It’s also taught me a lot about myself and how to live life better.
Part of it is feeding my ego. That may sound narcissistic—and it is to some extent—but here’s the lesson I learned: if done correctly, feeding my ego is a way to build self-confidence. What does this look like?
When done poorly, I take my swimmers’ successes as my own. That is, when they succeed, I puff out my chest and tout what a great coach I am. This is narcissism. We see it all the time when others take credit for work we have done. When done poorly, I act as if I did all the work, feeding my ego in a poisonous manner.
When done well, I rejoice with my swimmers in their successes. Through my coaching, I’ve enabled them to achieve something they probably wouldn’t have otherwise. My confidence is boosted because it reinforces that I’m coaching well. The difference is I recognize my swimmers have succeeded due to their efforts. They’ve taken the tools I’ve provided and—through their own hard, diligent work—have reached a new level of greatness. When done well, it’s not about me, yet my ego is fed in a healthy way.
Life Lesson 2
Another life lesson I’ve learned came during my extended break from coaching from another
coach, Pete Carroll. When he was hired as the head coach for the Seattle Seahawks, he was derided for his extreme positive attitude by those outside the organization. I paid close attention to what he said, however, and learned one of the best lessons any leader, teacher, employer, boss, coach, or especially a parent can ever learn: if a player makes a mistake, then it’s on the coach for not teaching it well enough. The coach needs to go back and help the athlete correct the mistake through teaching, not through punishment or yelling.
This is the secret to Carroll’s positivity. When he says “Win Forever,” he’s talking about striving to be your best. As a coach, if I yell at a swimmer for failure to execute, how am I helping my athlete to improve? Negative responses only work in the short term. Instead of getting mad, I need to think “What can we do to fix this mistake?”
Our response, whether negative or positive, also goes back to feeding our ego. A negative response reveals my ego is weak and fears failure. I lash out at the athlete for threatening my ego. A positive response reveals my ego is healthy and sees failure as opportunity to learn, improve, and connect with my athlete.
Listening to Carroll explain his philosophy in his first few years as the Seahawks’ head coach helped me see some of my mistakes as a young coach, all of which had to do with my fragile ego. More than anyone else, Pete Carroll was my inspiration to return to coaching a few years ago. I was determined to bring that same level of positivity with me.
Since returning, my goal has been to be 98% positive. That 2% negative needs to be saved for true bad behavior, such as bullying. I’m not always successful, as my swimmers average 11 years old and don’t always pay attention, but my goal remains the same. Mistakes can be fixed through a positive or negative response, but corrections made through fear are less likely to stick long-term, and the resentment it creates is not worth it.
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